I have put my happiness ahead of your feelings


Masks have been developed
To hide what lay underneath
In order to obtain an approval
I will never get,

Masks to portray an image
That has never been my own
But served to better the image
You wanted the world to see,

And inadequate,
Are feelings I have felt at many times,
Resentment and anger, the results.

Too weak to put myself first,
Too afraid
Or obedient to put your feelings behind my desires,
A dark place is where it has taken me,

But flickers of light appear
When the words
“I’m proud of you”

Giving birth to a new need,
The need of hearing those same words again,
For the sake of my sanity,
My heart,

My soul,
I forgave you,
I accepted you,
For this is the person you are

And because I know
That you love me,
It was just your way
I just wish you found a better way.

The search continued
For some kind of approval
Even though I knew
I would not receive it,

This however all began to change,
I began to change,
I have begun to put my happiness ahead  of your feelings,

I have begun to live my life the way I see fit,
I have removed the masks that hid ‘me’,
And to see the ‘me’
Under those masks for the first time

Was refreshing,
It was empowering,
Finally I felt free
Simply because I was me.

I see
And I believe now
That I deserve a chance to find
My happily ever after.

My love
And respect for you
Will remain unchanged,
But at this stage in my journey

I have realized
I no longer
Need your approval to make me happy
Nor do I need it to feel fulfilled,

I just ask that you see I am not a child
And respect me as a man,
Because I still have the same foundations,
But I will live my life my way making my own decisions,

And validation
From another
Is no longer something I need
Nor want…


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