I have put my happiness ahead of your feelings

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Masks have been developed
To hide what lay underneath
In order to obtain an approval
I will never get,

Masks to portray an image
That has never been my own
But served to better the image
You wanted the world to see,

Unworthy
And inadequate,
Are feelings I have felt at many times,
Resentment and anger, the results.

Too weak to put myself first,
Too afraid
Or obedient to put your feelings behind my desires,
A dark place is where it has taken me,

But flickers of light appear
When the words
“I’m proud of you”
Arose,

Giving birth to a new need,
The need of hearing those same words again,
For the sake of my sanity,
My heart,

My soul,
I forgave you,
I accepted you,
For this is the person you are

And because I know
That you love me,
It was just your way
I just wish you found a better way.

The search continued
For some kind of approval
Even though I knew
I would not receive it,

This however all began to change,
I began to change,
I have begun to put my happiness ahead  of your feelings,

I have begun to live my life the way I see fit,
I have removed the masks that hid ‘me’,
And to see the ‘me’
Under those masks for the first time

Was refreshing,
It was empowering,
Finally I felt free
Simply because I was me.

I see
And I believe now
That I deserve a chance to find
My happily ever after.

My love
And respect for you
Will remain unchanged,
But at this stage in my journey

I have realized
I no longer
Need your approval to make me happy
Nor do I need it to feel fulfilled,

I just ask that you see I am not a child
And respect me as a man,
Because I still have the same foundations,
But I will live my life my way making my own decisions,

And validation
From another
Is no longer something I need
Nor want…

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