Fear

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Allowing yourself to be
Overcome
By a fear that is paralyzing
To who you are as a person,

From your soul
To your heart,
Your mind
And your body.

To go to sleep with fear
To wake up with that same fear,
Can just be disheartening,
It just strips all strength from your bones.

The problem with this type of fear is
It starts to affect more
Adding other crippling emotions
To keep you from fighting,

Emotions such as doubt,
Loneliness,
Sadness,
Insecurity to name a few.

As you retreat
Into your hole
Dark, silent
Where you feel safe enough,

But this is a deluded
Sense of safety
Because you are more vulnerable
Making it harder to vanquish your fears.

I know this fear,
I know to vanquish this fear
From that hole
Of false security

Is a task
With factors
Making it nearly impossible to overcome
Without taking ample strength.

I have been triumphant
Over smaller fears
But I am still have
Many bigger ones to tackle.

One of these mammoth’s
Is the fear of being left alone,
The fear that
The people important in my life will leave,

Because I pushed them away,
Because they are not as invested in our connection as I am,
Because my whirlwind of emotions chased them away,
Or simply just because I wasn’t good enough.

This constant back and forth
In my own mind terrifies me,
It plagues me day and night
Putting pressure on the same relationships I fear will end.

How do I remain
Stable long enough
To believe that I am special,
I am loved,

I am important
And I add value to those I meet.
How do I battle this beast
Sitting at my door?

The only answer I have
Is that I don’t know.
With everything I am I don’t know,
Where to start the war.

I remain as positive as I can,
I try to remain as mindful as possible,
But sometimes I have not the strength
To carry on,

And those are the days I struggle with,
Those are the days,
Giving up seems like
The only option,

But I refuse to,
I refuse to allow this to beat me,
I will not pretend I know how to begin
But one thing is certain giving up will never be an option.

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