You & Me: The Fear of My Own Imperfections

Fear,

This fear that tightly grasps my throat,

So tightly that I can’t breathe,

So tightly that the sweat starts to drip from the top of my head,

My cheeks turn from bright red to blue,

My heart races like I just ran a 100m sprint,

The whites of my eyes turn red,

This is the feeling I get when I see my reflection in the steamed up mirror after a hot shower,

With the thought of you touching me crosses my mind,

Of the day when we lose ourselves in the moment, in the heat of passion,

As I watch my heated body begin to drip from the steam that filled the bathroom,

This nervous feeling,

This fear feeling,

A swollen lump in my throat began to appear like a dumpling on a stew,

And the more I thought about it,

The bigger the dumpling got,

Just the thought of you,

And your naked hands on my naked body,

My body in the light of day,

For every flaw,

Every imperfection,

To be exposed by this daunting light,

By this haunting light,

Accompanied by your raw touch,

Exposed by your burning fingers,

Sent shivers down my spine,

Shivers of pleasure,

Shivers of fear,

What would you think once you saw and felt this part of me?

This part that has been rarely exposed,

A part that was not as it seemed,

And I try,

I try to build the confidence to see myself in a positive light,

I try to bring the solid walls that surround my heart down,

Let you near but I can’t,

I can’t do it,

And the problem is that for the first time this is what I truly want….

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